I'm too little for this place. I'm too small to be considering huge ideas such as fortune, will, mystery and miracles. I'm still a child who has no answers, who can hardly get up early on some mornings. I was thrown into this place and now I have to study, learn, care for myself, seek wisdom, ask questions, pursue Christ. I still don't know how to do this, let alone how to do it well.But I'm here. Pushed into this beautiful corner of the world. Surrounded by individual souls, stories, heartache, sunshine, papers, work, expectations, nights and days, sorrows and joys. In many ways, I wasn't ready for any of this. And I think to some degree, I never will be ready. Life is such a surprising thing. It's a constant stream-and many days, a flood-of unexpected blessings and challenges. I'm not prepared for them. All I can do is love them as best as I can, work as hard as I can, and learn everything I possibly can.
I think I will always be a little kid: surprised by every minute, and completely inadequate to face any of them. I am weak. Behold, I am of small account. (Job 40:4) But, behold the man! (John 19:5) In my weakness, He is strong. I can meet these days with peace, with deep joy, and with a heart that rejoices that I am small while expectantly waiting for Him to prove Himself great.
Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is our Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation. (Isaiah 25:9)
5 comments:
*Sigh* you hit the nail on the head every single time, my dear. This post makes me so excited and anticipatory to go to college. Yes. Education, such a great gift from God.
j.
Shannon, you encourage me so much. Thank you dear. <3
Morgan
I'm so proud of you.
Shannon, this is exactly where I am at, and have been for most of this year. Be prepared to feel very little again as soon as you adjust to and then leave college.
You also captured some of the beauty in this place. Seeing our smallness and weakness is God's amazing grace to us, so that we may have humble and contrite hearts that run to Him.
When we see that we are little, we can treasure our Father all the more.
Thanks for this post, Shannon.
I can feel the same way in my days. I find myself waiting to 'feel' like a grown up, and I can look around at my life with wonder and be amazed - 'how did I get here?' I am increasingly astounded by our great God and His mighty ways.
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