Social Media and Women

"The chance you had is the life you've got. You can make complaints about what people, including you, make of their lives after they have got them, and about what people make of other people's lives...but you mustn't wish for another life. You mustn't want to be somebody else. What you must do is this: 'Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks.' I am not all the way capable of so much, but those are the right instructions."

(Hannah Coulter, Wendell Berry)

I am a woman influenced by social media. I think all women are, whether they realize it or not. Sometimes the implications of its influence are lost on us. We are blind to its power and don't take time to think carefully about the effect that Facebook and Pinterest especially can have on our relationships—and on our soul.

As a young girl who has yet to experience a lot of life, it is easy for me to see the perfect homes and especially adorable children in photographs on Pinterest and think "that will be my future." Sometimes I see "pins" from others that are labeled "my future baby" or "my future husband" or "my future home." And then I wonder: what if your child isn't that exceptionally cute? And what if your future husband doesn't have drop-dead blue eyes and a jaw line that only airbrushing in Photoshop can create? Does that mean you somehow live less of a life than another? Does that mean that you "settled for less"?

But there isn't just Pinterest. There is Facebook, too. This friend just got into a relationship, and this one, and this one, and this one. And this girl's boyfriend just sent her the biggest bouquet of flowers—with a card, and chocolate. And this newly-married woman posted her love story and it is perfect and her now-husband is so thoughtful and planned the most detailed excursions when they were dating. If you are like me, and I think most women are, thoughts quickly flood your mind. "Where is my boyfriend?" "Why doesn't my boyfriend take me on elaborate dates? What about flowers?" "I won't have a love story like she does." "Her life is perfect. If only I had a boyfriend like hers, and a face like hers, and clothes like hers." The list can go on forever.

There is nothing wrong with Facebook, or Pinterest, or even with dreaming. Dreams build our anticipation and passion for many good things that God may bring into our lives. Facebook and Pinterest allow us to connect with friends, gain ideas for parties or crafts, and share life with one another. But when these outlets begin to build our expectations and shape our desires, ungratefulness and impatience inevitably come.

I believe women are uniquely effected by social media like Facebook. If we are not aware of our weaknesses and do not exercise caution in the way we read and browse the pages in front of us, we can quickly fall into comparing our life to another's. This does a disservice to our own hearts, and to the hearts of those around us. It would be unloving to my boyfriend if I allowed every cute thing other girls' boyfriends do for them to then make me compare him to them and wonder why he isn't like those boyfriends. Observing others' lives without a careful guard on our own hearts can quickly lead to a sinful ingratitude for the blessings we have been given.

We compare ourselves to others in so many areas. Fashion, friends, boyfriends, craftiness, eye color, cooking ability, artistic ability, intelligence, weekend plans... Some of those are such silly areas, but I know myself and I assume that other girls compare some of the same things.

But instead of comparing every little detail of our lives to others' lives, what if cute pictures on Facebook or news of another engagement moved us to gratitude instead of comparison? What if we allowed those social media outlets to push us to thank God for the blessings he has given others, as well as the blessings he has given to us?

At the root of comparison is a belief that God has not given us what is indeed good. We are saying that He has overlooked us, and given better gifts to another person. His blessings aren't enough for us. We need more, and we won't be happy until we get more. As it turns out, we are always wanting something more. We are always comparing what we have to what others have, thinking that just one more thing will make us happy.

In fighting this sin, I am discovering that prayer is the one way to turn my mind from any inklings of ungratefulness. And along with prayer, it is good to remind myself that my cup overflows and surely goodness and mercy have and will follow me all the days of my life.

Although I am not promised that I will someday live in the Pinterest-perfect house with the Facebook-perfect family, I am promised something far better: that I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.